Most people satisfy their need for food by some combination of dining out, eating convenience foods, and preparing their own meals. But there’s still another option that few people consider: joining a cult. Luckily, there are a number of cults that are vegan-friendly.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch, and becoming a cult member entails some real sacrifice. It often involves giving up your personal freedom, your life savings, and even your sexual favors to the whims of some messianic cult leader. However, the food served by most cults can be really quite tasty. While I don’t personally advocate joining a religious cult, I nevertheless think the food may make for a compelling argument.
The cults that are most vegan-friendly tend to be either Asian or Indian-derived. If I had to choose, I would personally join with an Indian-style cult since these folks often have a way with curries. Some of the best cults even own their own restaurants. This is a wonderful thing because it gives you the opportunity to sample the food repeatedly before you make any commitments.
Naturally, joining a cult is not something to do lightly. Once you’ve located a vegan-friendly cult, you should be ready to ask some tough questions, such as:
- If I join, will I be permitted any future contact with my family?
- What kind of cooking oils do you use?
- Must I submit to an arranged marriage?
- Do you make freshly-baked bread every day?
It’s good to get all your questions answered before joining. It would be a real drag to join a cult, and then find out later that they put honey in all their desserts.